Live in Light

What video games do you let your children watch?

 Mr 13 (going on 30 year old) requested we download a game of tanks to the family computer. “Its not bad mum” came with the request, “you only have to shoot. It’s about how good you are at aiming at and how many points you get, its not really violent. And anyway, all my friends have games like this.”

A situation many parents of adolescents face. So what do you do? Say yes, join in and have a game with him. Have some fun, see who gets the highest score. After all “the family that plays together stays together”. Or relish the time you will have when he's engrossed in the game.

I tuned in. I could see his desire to belong, have fun, recognise that generally he is an incredibly perceptive, sensitive young man. I also saw the potential to go with the crowd and lose his personal truth.

I saw the human nervous system wired for stress, to look for potential negatives and this game triggered that.

I saw my years of seeing countless children and families exposed to violence and the epidemic of violence around the world.

I saw the children brought to my clinic struggling with self image and ability to respond positively to peers - who’s nervous systems have been “fried” (as I reframe it) from repeated exposure to violent games.

I saw the dissociation of thinking of people as enemies - rather than fellow humans.

I saw the PTSD of people returning from war - the horror and faces of people who fought so that future generations could live in peace. I saw the extraordinary exhibition on World War 1 in our national museum Te Papa, and recalled the emotion of walking through it.

I saw his Dad home from war. a ship bombed, wondering about the futility of it all and why people blindly followed instructions to shoot someone they had never even met. And the impact of that for their families.

I saw the lost opportunities to find common ground, discover the beauty in people and share their stories and lives.

I saw the disconnect that happens when you are operating from a place of fear rather than love and support.

I remembered a generation of people frightened by a shark in "Jaws" and the negative effect that had on so many peoples ability to enjoy the beach. Simply from watching a movie.

I wondered when it became “ok” to let our children be so exposed to this sort of violence that they think its acceptable.

And I asked myself. Do I want this for my son? Do I want this for his generation?

I believe in the saying “be the change you want to see in the world”. The change I want to see is people being able to recognise the truth about people rather than label them “the enemy”. A place where it is safe for them to be who they truely are. A community filled with love and support. As I learn to walking more easily with unconditional love I am consciously choosing to see situations from a different perspective rather than collective conditioning.

From this perspective it was an easy decision.

“I’m surprised you even asked - I could have told you she’d say no”. Wise man his 15 year old brother.